


The Noble Cavalier

by ciannwn



Category: Lone Gunmen, The X-Files
Genre: Angst and Humor, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-20
Updated: 2011-04-20
Packaged: 2017-10-18 10:28:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/187951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ciannwn/pseuds/ciannwn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A tale of love, stirring adventure and magic with Langley's Dungeons and Dragons roleplaying group. Sadly, reality creeps in.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Noble Cavalier

**Author's Note:**

> Set before and after the 'X Files' episode 'Jump the Shark'.  
> Lord Manhammer's character class was never specified. As this is the X-Files universe, I did what I pleased to suit the plot and made him a Cavalier who inherited a title.

_I'm going to play a little D &D in memoriam_ \- Langly, Three of a Kind

"Goodbye, my friends. And may good fortune always go with you."

"Elron places his hands on your shoulders and looks into your eyes," Rob said before adopting his character voice. "Goodbye, Emelda. Maybe we shall meet again. But whatever the future holds, you will always be in our thoughts."

And, having said farewell to her companions, Emelda the Ranger began the long journey to her homeland. Although Rob/Elron's parting words gave me the option of bringing her back should the group decide to continue with the game, I knew that I'd never use this character again - the love of her life had died with the man who'd played him.

I'd joined the group over eighteen months ago through my cousin, Georgina, a mother of three for most of the week and Thief in the form of a High Elf maiden every Saturday evening unless the baby sitter couldn't make it. Not that she always missed out on these occasions, though, because Pete, her husband and Dwarf Lord would sometimes stay home with the kids instead. I'd enjoyed playing a vampire for two years but felt like a change so Georgina asked the others if there was room for another player. Everyone was happy with the idea so I decided to give Dungeons and Dragons a second chance.

My first experience of the game had put me off it for years because the group concerned was obsessed with rules to the point where we never actually got to play. Two minutes into a session someone would invariably make an objection such as "A Paladin/Magic User/Cleric wouldn't do/say that. It clearly states this on Page Whatever." Then everyone would consult Page Whatever and argue about it for the next hour.  Georgina assured me that Rob's group wasn't like that - the rules for them were no more than a basic guide, which had been freely interpreted over the years because the idea was to have fun. The only law was that once the session started, everything had to be treated as part of the game unless it was a serious emergency.  A trip to the bathroom could, therefore, be an adventure in itself because the relevant character was doing the equivalent - sometimes Rob told the player concerned to roll for mishaps with the result that many a hero had fallen foul of nettles or ants' nests.

I'd met Rob, the group's DM and Archdruid, on numerous occasions because he was often to be found round my cousins' house. He and Pete were usually involved in deep discussions about computers and other forms of technology that I knew little or nothing about so I could hardly say I knew him. Luckily for Georgina, she shared another passion of theirs so I tended not to visit when the latest issue of The Lone Gunman came out. Not that I didn't want to stay alive through being informed of government conspiracies and cover ups but there were limits to how much I wanted to know.

I'd also heard a lot about the Lone Gunmen as the four men who produced the paper were collectively referred to. Frohike and Byers thought D&D was strictly for weirdoes, while Jimmy Bond, the newest member of the team wasn't interested, much to Pete's and Georgina's relief - they'd been told he was a really nice guy but the male version of a dumb blonde. Ringo Langly, however, had been a member of Rob's group for years. Elron and Langly's Cavalier, Lord Manhammer, had first met in Baltimore because conferences and conventions which attract hackers and conspiracy theorists usually have a number of Fighters and Magic Users emerging from the woodwork whenever there's nothing of interest going on. When their creators discovered that they lived within easy reach of each other they'd decided to start a D&D group and Langly had been a regular player ever since. Well, fairly regular, that is due to the demands of his real life, thus Lord Manhammer's habit of going off on quests to right wrongs and perform other noble deeds whenever Langly was chasing a conspiracy.

The game was always held at Rob's house so I went over there one Sunday afternoon, both to prepare and familiarise myself with the route. Everyone had agreed that having a Level 1 character in the party would be a serious drawback - he/she would be dead in five minutes unless the bad guys were made ridiculously easy where the others were concerned so Emelda was born at Level 8. And as I am short, plain and overweight I indulged my favourite fantasy of being tall, slender and attractive when I created her  - I'd have preferred it if she'd been tall, slender and stunningly beautiful but the dice rolls didn't favour me in all respects. When I went home I had a file stuffed full of amendments to rules, background information which Emelda would know and pages of notes I'd made about weapons, skills and various other bits and pieces so I had a lot of studying to do for the following Saturday.

I arrived at the specified time and soon discovered that pre-gaming socialisation meant half the members of the group congregating at one end of the room to discuss conspiracies and computers while the rest of us chatted about Star Trek and horror movies at the other. I recognised Langly from photographs in the Lone Gunman but as my initial impression was that he was scruffy, noisy and irritating I wasn't put out when Georgina introduced me and he just responded with an absent minded "Hi!" I wasn't at all surprised when his preferred topics of conversation kept him at the opposite end of the room to me.

Emelda began her career as a guide whom the party hired because they didn't know the locality. Her task was to lead them to a city that lay at the other side of a dark and forbidding forest, which, itself, was a day's journey away. She was quiet and reserved in the presence of strangers so I could make note of who had what character and how they all interacted - it was very confusing at first but Georgina had told me the truth when she'd said that Rob's group regarded fun as being far more important than rules.

I learned a great deal in the next two hours, including the fact that Langly took the definition of  'free interpretation' far beyond what I'd imagined. Lord Manhammer started the evening as something akin to a Cavalier according to the manuals but it wasn't long before he revealed himself to be more than a little eccentric. He was forever downing ale too due to Langly's apparent addiction to fizzy drinks and although he managed to resist drunkenness he did get gnats in his armour when his alter ego went to the bathroom.  It was hard to keep a straight face when I imagined how events in the game would appear to Emelda.

 

\----------------

 

 _We were all on foot now for Lord Manhammer's destrier, Filofax, had wandered off  when we had stopped for an afternoon rest. Curiously, the Cavalier seemed unaware that his horse was missing. Barbie the Barbarian confided that this often happened - Filofax would be following us and Lord Manhammer would whistle for him to appear when he remembered that he should be riding and not walking._

 _We had just reached the edge of the forest when Lord Manhammer declared that he wanted a pizza._

 _"A piece of what, my Lord?" asked Daisy Gamgee, granddaughter of the heroic Sam.  Her tone was respectful because the Cavalier is, after all, of the nobility despite his general behaviour. "Our provisions are limited until we reach the city."_

 _"I'm gonna throw you to a Balrog if I hear that joke again,," Lord Manhammer threatened before turning to the Wizard. "Hey, Gandalfus! Do your stuff, I'm starving." Then he belched loudly due to the copious amount of ale that he had drunk earlier._

 _Barbie and her brother, Ken The Mighty, protested against producing food by magic but Gimli Bloodaxe  told me that this was but a token gesture.  Gandalfus, meanwhile, muttered arcane phrases before announcing, "I have conjured up the pizza summoning device, my Lord. Elron said the usual genie's gone out of business so you'll have to press the buttons in a new order. It's written on a scrap of parchment next to the artefact concerned."_

 _"Anyone else want one while I'm at it?" the gallant Cavalier asked._

 _I knew that genies who delivered food required money in return but I did not have enough. Gimli and his friend, the fair Arwenel, offered to share their pizza with me - I feel a strange sense of kinship with these two and their kindness suggests that they may feel something similar in return. It took a little while before all had decided on the toppings they desired and Parsifal the Cleric wrote a list for it was much to remember.  At last, with scroll in hand, Lord Manhammer made his way towards the summoning device. Some of us were seated on the ground with little room to walk between us and he accidentally trod on Spearshaker's hand - the Bard yelled in pain and swore with all the eloquence of his calling._

\---------------

 

The following week's session proved just as entertaining.

 

\----------------

 _We had fought long and hard against the bandits but we had prevailed and suffered only minor wounds in the process. Parsifal had soon healed us and we were now sheltering in a cave with Daisy's cousin  - Freddie 'Ironclaws' Took - taking the first watch of the night._

 _We were planning the next stage of our journey when, for unknown reasons, Lord Manhammer started talking about strange things called T-shirts - a fairly common occurrence judging by Barbie's comment of  "Oh, god. Here we go again."_

 _Elron said, "Shut up, La .. er.. my Lord," upon which the Cavalier's face took on a wounded expression._

 _"Hey, treat me with some respect, man," he protested before asking, "Why did you call me La?"_

 _"Because an Archdruid's ways are a mystery to the uninitiated," Elron told him firmly. "And that's MY ale you're drinking," he added even more firmly. "You finished yours ten minute's ago."_

 _Lord Manhammer looked sorely disappointed at this revelation.  I felt sorry for him so gave him the last of my own ale because I had had enough. He thanked me most graciously so once we had all agreed on our next course of action I made so bold as to engage him in private conversation.  I asked him what T-shirts are because I had never heard of such items before._

 _He told me they are rare and costly garments from beyond the Eastern Desert and I was awed that he could afford such luxuries. I learned that he has amassed great wealth through his adventures and he began relating how he once led a party into the temple of some dark god whose name I am unfamiliar with. Then Drusilla, the Mad Drow Assassin, said "Babies go bye-byes now or the sky won't turn all pink and pretty." We translated this as meaning we should sleep in order that the night might pass more quickly and so we ceased our talking._

 

\------------------

 

Emelda's ale and curiosity about T-shirts touched the gallant Cavalier's heart and it led to an association that soon developed into an epic romance. Langly and I played it like something out of an excruciatingly bad historical movie and the rest of the group found it highly entertaining. Lord Manhammer's quests were now performed in honour of his Lady and the off-stage body count of those who said she wasn't one reached ridiculous figures. He always presented her with a gift when they were reunited and she treasured the strange assortment of items which gradually accumulated - a cloak pin engraved on the back with _Made in the cloud capped city of Rohanor_ in Elvish; a bunch of magic daffodils which stayed ever fresh even without water; a flask of rare and costly wine which never emptied and several silken T-shirts.

Langly and I never said much to each other as our real selves, however. I didn't find him particularly attractive and he certainly didn't fancy me so we always socialised at opposite ends of the room. This is one of the stranger aspects of role-playing, though; people with little in common can have characters who are soul mates while best friends' characters are sometimes mortal enemies.

Things continued in this way until May last year. Langly didn't turn up for over two months and nobody knew why. Some of the group had seen him in passing and reported that he seemed withdrawn and preoccupied but all he would say on the matter was that he was extremely busy. Busy at what was a mystery because the last two issues of The Lone Gunman had failed to materialise.

We were all pleased to see him when he finally made an appearance. It was obvious that something was bothering him because his habitual air of noisy cheerfulness seemed somewhat strained as if he were putting on an act. The pre-game socialising ritual was cut short that evening by his angry "Shut the fuck up," from the conspiracies and computers end of the room and everyone was edgy and subdued when the game began. Lord Manhammer was downcast at first due to Langly's mood but Emelda succeeded in raising his spirits a little and he gave her a rose that he'd found growing on a mountain. Freddie said he was amazed because he thought roses grew on bushes but Lord Manhammer didn't reply. This told us that part of Langly's mind was still elsewhere because he'd always responded to idiotic remarks like this in the past.

He was absent again the following week that gave the rest of us a chance to discuss how we should handle the situation. Rob told us that whatever was going on in Langly's life, it was something he didn't want to talk about so we should refrain from questioning him in case he felt under pressure and left the group. We all agreed although those of us from the Star Trek and horror movie end of the room had little opportunity to offend in this respect.

The months went by. There were no more issues of  The Lone Gunman in the real world and Lord Manhammer's quests kept him away for longer periods in our fantasy universe. Rob had heard rumours that the Lone Gunmen were having to sell equipment while Jimmy Bond hadn't been seen for weeks so we suspected that Langly often felt too depressed to play - we didn't say anything to him, though, and he seemed to appreciate the lack of comment.

And then the unthinkable happened. Langly, Byers and Frohike were killed.

The group got together the evening after we'd heard the news. We were all deeply shocked and upset and we needed the company of others who would understand how we felt. Georgina and Pete were unable to find a baby sitter at such short notice so the meeting was held at their house - we drank a lot of coffee and talked quietly because we didn't want to disturb the children. We hadn't heard the exact details of how the Lone Gunmen had died because the news reports were, as the conspiracy and computer players insisted, covering up the real story. It had had something to do with a failed terrorist attack at a conference and that, it seemed, was all that the general public was allowed to know. Why they were at the conference in the first place was a complete mystery.

We realised, then, how little any of us had known about Langly's real life other than what we'd read in The Lone Gunman - even Rob who'd first met him over twelve years ago had never become a close friend or been involved in any of the Gunmen's investigations. And yet we all felt that we'd lost far more than just a casual acquaintance. Role players' characters invariably reflect aspects of themselves even if such aspects only emerge in a fantasy setting and sometimes they are a way of acting out dreams as I did with Emelda's appearance. Lord Manhammer had been the face that Langly had chosen to show us and the Cavalier's quests to right wrongs had mirrored his activities in the real world. Maybe a few unfulfilled dreams had been acted out too.

 

\------------------

 

We deduced that Langly, Byers and Frohike had been more than just unlucky bystanders when we heard that they were to be buried at Arlington. Jimmy Bond, who'd reappeared as mysteriously as he'd left, arranged for us to attend the funeral and we did so although it turned out to be very much an us and them affair. Us were the role players who'd shared Langly's fantasy world while them were the people who'd been part of his real life. One man looked vaguely familiar although I couldn't place him until I heard Georgina whisper "FBI?" Then I recalled a couple of articles in The Lone Gunman about an Assistant Director and suspected that another man and two women who appeared to know him well were from the FBI too - it made me feel as if I was on another planet. Needless to say, there was little interaction between the two sets of mourners other than Jimmy Bond coming over to speak with us. He told us our game had meant a lot to his friend and he'd be sending us Langly's D&D stuff because he was sure that was what he'd have wanted.

We left the proceedings as soon as common decency allowed because we felt that we didn't belong there. It wasn't our Ringo Langly they were burying so for us there was no sense of having said goodbye. We therefore gathered round Rob's house and planned our own memorial to the dead.

Many would say that our idea was tasteless or offensive but a world created by imagination has a reality of its own. A part of every one of us dwelt in a land of fairy tale and magic and these fantasy selves had lost someone they'd loved.

Jimmy Bond was true to his word; he sent the D&D stuff and we each chose an item on our memorial evening so we'd have a memento. Mine was a grubby sheet of paper covered with scribbled notes - they were barely decipherable but we'd managed to make out that some referred to the gifts which Lord Manhammer had given to his beloved Ranger. The last one read "Emelda. Magic ring. Changes colour to match clothes." She'd never received it so we deduced that this would have been her present when her unconventional Cavalier next returned.

We put our mementoes on a table for safekeeping and then made our own farewells in a way that we hoped Langly would have appreciated.

  
\-------------------

 

 _This morning we heard news of a most tragic nature - Lord Manhammer was dead of wounds sustained in rescuing a maiden from a dragon and we made our way in grief to the nearby settlement where his body rested. The Lord of the manor in which the village lay was already arranging the funeral but Elron consulted with him and persuaded him that we, Lord Manhammer's companions who had loved him and fought by his side, were the ones who should perform the rites._

 _They wished to spare me the anguish of preparing the body but I insisted on doing so although my heart was breaking at the task. With the aid of the fair Arwenel I washed and dressed him in his finest clothing then Parsifal and I sat in vigil as  the rest of the party completed other necessary tasks; Gimli cleaned his armour and polished it until it shone  while the others made a bier and funeral pyre._

 _During this time Elron called me aside and said that he had something for me which he had found amongst Lord Manhammer's possessions. It was a small package wrapped in blue silk, a fabric that he had always used for the gifts he had brought me from his travels. I opened it and found a ring set with a colourless stone but when I put it on the gem turned dark green to match my tunic. My tears fell heavily, then, and I vowed that this ring would never leave my hand while I still lived._

 _At last, we equipped our Cavalier with his armour and weapons and bore him to the pyre. Each of us in turn spoke of his valour and Parsifal said a prayer for his kind and noble spirit. Then, together, we thrust burning torches into the piled branches and watched as the fire blazed._

 _When all had been consumed with the aid of a little magic, Gandalfus conjoured up the genie summoning device and we ordered pizzas for the funeral feast. None of us were hungry but we drank much ale and exchanged stories of our fallen comrade; for all his stirring deeds, he had attracted many a ridiculous mishap and soon we were laughing through our tears._

 _At the end of the feast, I announced my decision to leave for I could not bear the thought of continuing the adventures when I had lost the man I loved. They were saddened by my choice but understood my reasons._

 _"Goodbye, my friends," I said. "And may good fortune always go with you."_

 _Elron placed his hands on my shoulders and looked into my eyes. "Goodbye, Emelda. Maybe we shall meet again. But whatever the future holds, you will always be in our thoughts."_

 _And then, without a backward glance, I began the long journey to my homeland._

  
\---------------------

 

At the end of the session, we returned to reality and began the mundane task of tidying up. We all stopped what we were doing, however, when Rob called out, "Hey, everyone, look at this! It was standing on Langly's dice tin."

He was holding a small figure of a knight on horseback. It was just a cheap plastic toy but Rob didn't have any children and none of us had ever seen it before - it certainly hadn't been amongst Langly's D&D stuff let alone standing on the dice tin when we'd started the game.

Maybe there was a rational explanation but we all believe that real magic touched our lives that night. As far as we're concerned the toy knight was a sign that Langly and Lord Manhammer had been with us in spirit and we don't give a damn what theories concerning the psychology of bereavement say to the contrary. We also took it as a message that Langly didn't want us to abandon the game and so we met up the following Saturday for further adventures. I decided not to create a new character after all and told Rob that Emelda was rejoining the party - a few days of solitude had helped her to see things from a different perspective and she caught up with her companions at a wayside inn.

We started a new tradition that evening - now the toy knight stands in a place of honour on the coffee table while we're playing. It reminds us that life is fragile and precious and we are all closer as a result. Our pre-game socialisation no longer divides us into opposite ends of the room because we, like our D&D characters, have become true friends.

 

The End

**Author's Note:**

> (1) At the end of 'Jump The Shark', Jimmy remarks that nobody knows what heroes the Lone Gunmen were and Yves and Fletcher agree that it's not right. This suggested to me that the general public wasn't told the full details concerning their deaths otherwise a great many people would have known what heroes they were.  
> (2) We weren't shown the actual funeral and the mourners we did see were in the process of leaving after it was over. There's no real reason, then, why others couldn't have attended - they weren't in the scene because they'd left earlier and the guy in the background had already taken their chairs away.  
> (3) Although Skinner was called an FBI Director in The Lone Gunman headlines, it's logical to assume that he'd have been referred to as an Assistant Director in the relevant articles.


End file.
